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Simon Mayo's Confessions

Simon Mayo's Confessions

Bauer Media 134 episodes Nov 6, 2026

Simon Mayo's Confessions is a podcast where listeners share their most embarrassing and hilarious secrets, seeking forgiveness from host Simon Mayo and the Confessional Collective. The show features tales of greed, debauchery, deception, and honest mistakes, including confessions too risqué for broadcast on Greatest Hits Radio. Expect a mix of humor and heartfelt moments as sinners unburden themselves.

Episodes

Cry me a river & other tales
Cry me a river & other tales Nov 6, 2026 40:13 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for an episode that begins with hoodies-at-the-Vatican chat, and the small matter of Sister Holly’s breaking news: she’s engaged.From the crypt: Malcolm recounts an early-80s Sydney night out that ends in a furniture showroom, a waterbed “Cluedo session”… and the New South Wales Police arriving in force thanks to a very vigorous infrare
Red, Gold and Green & other tales
Red, Gold and Green & other tales Oct 30, 2026 40:44 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective, as Halloween looms and the nation’s trick-or-treat etiquette comes under serious (and slightly satsuma-based) scrutiny.First up: Sue’s toilet tale, as she takes drastic action against an all-male household’s bathroom crimes… with consequences for everyone, including the dog.Then Paul faces a full-blown chameleon calamity wh
Pick a pocket or two & other tales
Pick a pocket or two & other tales Oct 23, 2026 38:53 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for another allegedly coherent episode.Bev relives a mixed-hockey tournament pool night in Wakefield, then it’s back to 1969 as Biffo and Buster conduct a science experiment involving fireworks and cow pat.Plus: a 70s house party, “a packet of Planters” confusion, and a public-school Oliver! medley that pushes one housemaster too far.Go
Cluedo Special - Confessions from the Crypt
Cluedo Special - Confessions from the Crypt Oct 16, 2026 38:19 It’s a very, very special edition of Simon Mayo’s Confessions… a Cluedo special. Five classic confessions are reopened from the crypt, featuring suspicious behaviour on quiet country roads, RAF Police patrols “hunting” late-night Cluedo enthusiasts, and Storm Doris scattering some extremely awkward bin evidence across an English garden.Plus: the Keymaster of ’94 reveals the fatal flaw in a southwe
Size of a cow & other tales
Size of a cow & other tales Oct 9, 2026 40:05 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective.Mike takes us back to 1971, where a cow’s eye from biology class ends up hiding under a canteen lettuce leaf… with Big Cath, Carol-with-an-E.Then Babs squeezes into her teenage daughter’s favourite dress, enjoys 30 seconds of catwalk glory but it all end terribly. Plus: there's a bus-shelter “coolant” taste test, and Steve’s
There's no one quite like grandma & other tales
There's no one quite like grandma & other tales Oct 2, 2026 42:27 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly, Sister Suzi and Brother Matthew for Episode 7 of Season 8… and yes, the numbering is definitely, probably, completely accurate.Thomas confesses to an 80s campaign of fake-spider terror against his devout granny. Doris’s mum admits to tackling the messiest teenage bedroom on earth. Plus: a 1973 sponsored walk sabotaged with reversed arrows,
Welcome to the lion’s den & other tales
Welcome to the lion’s den & other tales Sep 25, 2026 39:08 It’s a distinctly international trip into the confessional this week with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective.Craig kicks things off from behind the pharmacy counter in 1989, when an eager attempt to help a customer find “green ones” turns into a mortifying party‑poppers misunderstanding… Then ex‑RAF Police Corporal Binky Blythe teaches an Italian driver a “romantic” phrase that ends up bein
Bad to the bone & other tales
Bad to the bone & other tales Sep 18, 2026 42:43 Episode five of Season Eight drops Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back into the confessional for more chaos, dodgy logic, and the kind of stories that definitely shouldn’t be told… but are.Joe buys his daughter a life-size skeleton, commits fully by building it a coffin (complete with nameplate: “Mr Bone, RIP”), then watches it reappear in the worst possible place after a house fire — t
Welcome to the house of fun & other tales
Welcome to the house of fun & other tales Sep 11, 2026 40:55 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of chaos, questionable life choices, and very loud studio drinks.Karen takes us back to late-70s school rule rebellion with a changing-room ear‑piercing “side hustle” run by Penny the Piercer… using mum’s sewing pins as the “earrings”.Then Steve relives a painfully awkward trip to Boots in Newquay, wh
Toads in your bed and pepper in your tea & other tales
Toads in your bed and pepper in your tea & other tales Sep 4, 2026 46:45 Episode three of Season Eight sees Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back in the studio for more chaos, coat chat, and questionable decision-making. First: a “guilty and apologetic teacher” (aka Mr Schneebly) reveals how one forgotten gold-plated anniversary pen — and a suit-jacket mix-up mid-interview — may have cost another candidate their dream job… and accidentally won him his. Then
This is the time for action & other tales
This is the time for action & other tales Aug 28, 2026 42:28 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of confessions.Alf takes us to South Africa’s “Valley of a Thousand Hills” for a bit of teenage snake-hunting that ends with a biology master going absolutely white. Boomslang, anyone?Rose fights back against a scamp wrecking the ladies’ loo… with a “grown-ups” magazine placed at eye level, and one ve
Right on baby & other tales
Right on baby & other tales Aug 21, 2026 39:20 Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy Collective as Season Eight kicks off — minus Brother Matt, who’s apparently busy in his orangery.First up, a “medical emergency” on a quiet Oxfordshire B-road turns into yet another in-progress game of Cluedo… complete with a horn, a thumbs up, and a very hasty getaway.Then Rob hides in the back of the “wrong” VW Beetle outside a chippy and n

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