Football Cliches
A podcast that deconstructs the gloriously unique language of football, exploring the words, phrases, and tiny details fans didn't think they cared about. Hosted by Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare, and David Walker.
Episodes
Secondary goal celebrations & the "we talk about" epidemic: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the coolest way to hold a football, football's ongoing misunderstanding of the "instep", a ubiquitous three-word punditry prefix and having to listen to people describing
Tom Cruise's FIFA-speak, Messi's grassing & the Pure World Cup 2026 XI
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker, Nick Miller and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: a cultural review of the gruelling watch that was the World Cup final, the merits of Ferran Torres' winning goal, England's absurd third-place playoff glory, Jude Bellingham's niche statistical triumph, Cole Palmer gets on the wrong side of Graeme Souness, one listener'
(Over)familiar failings, the freshest possible World Cup final & Luis Figo vs T. rex
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of England 1 Argentina 2, finding anything remotely unfamiliar about England's latest major-tournament exit, gauging the enthusiasm levels for the "FIFA Bronze Final", the valuable freshness of a Spain vs Argentina final, anticipating Tom Cruise's contribution to the half-time s
A little bit all at sea, gyroscope magnitudes & Joe Cole on the pyramids
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the montage-resistant grind of England 2 Norway 1, Thomas Tuchel vs Gabriel Clarke, the prospect of Vindaloo as the soundtrack to this year's John Lewis Christmas advert, ITV's Mark Pougatch talks tactics, revisiting England 3 Argentina 2 (2005), Joe Cole’s stance on the pyra
The Aguirre noise, lungbusting thresholds & the Penalty Miss XI
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the enjoyable chaos of Argentina vs Egypt, the exact noise Javier Aguirre made to Anthony Gordon, co-commentators with Alan Shearer's voice, a listener's very niche World Cup spreadsheet, the evergreen haplessness of centre-backs in penalty shootouts, the international managerial merry-go-round a
1,114 Dan Burns, retro World Cup controversy & the most unsatisfying noise of the tournament
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: an in-depth cultural review of Mexico 2 England 3, the immaculate Golden Boot race, Donald Trump ushering in a truly retro tinpot World Cup moment, *that* BBC News pronunciation of "Socceroos", unsatisfying Microsoft Windows noises during France vs Paraguay, exclusive giant flag logistics info, t
The Boxpark backlash, unfinished Azteca business & the unluckiest World Cup score-avoider
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and James Maw. On the agenda: the big World Cup flag question, England 2 DR Congo 1 and the Kaniest finish in the history of Harry Kane, the Big Boxpark Backlash, England's unfinished business at the Azteca, Danny Murphy's cat, the most obscure way anyone has ever accidentally found out the result of a game they were trying to avoid t
A correct year for every last-32 game, Trumpian co-comms & breakfast with Sean Dyche
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker, James Maw and, eventually, Nick Miller. On the agenda: pathetic TV-channel paranoia clickbait from our beleaguered regional press, goalscorers "on the doorstep", Donald Trump's voice in World Cup co-commentary, Andy Townsend ignoring Martin Tyler’s octogenarian wordplay, The New World Order get hold of some VIP tickets for Canada vs
Fox-mode Fletch, Scottish limbo & Andy Burnham's one-on-one finishing
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the wider ripples of England 0 Ghana 0, Scotland’s slightly excessive World Cup purgatory, Darren Fletcher lets his hair down on Fox Sports duty, Andy Burnham’s solid football credentials, sacked managers names in Olivia Rodrigo album tracks and more World Cup lineup-poses quizzing.
Play the H
The Vamos epidemic, Lineker on ITV & accidental 90s trance in VAR announcements
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Screen Rot's Jake Farrell. On the agenda: the England player least likely to shout "Vamos!" during a game, an emphatic VAR call from a referee during Paraguay vs Turkey, how close the USA are to "they couldn't... coult they?" territory, Martin Keown's collective noun for a goalkeeper's saves, Sam Matterface fails to meet the
England's beloved scoreline, Messi's scout badges & the hydration-break hand gesture
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Adam's slapstick attempt to watch England 4-2 Croatia at the pub, the mid-1990s England player recognition skills of French TV, how Cape Verde triggered a social-media threshold, Lee Dixon on Mexican waves, the diminishing number of original ways to write about Lionel Messi, which of the 48 natio
The BBC/ITV truce, World Cup life-bursting & Tina Turner's spot-kick record
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and James Maw. On the agenda: how the BBC & ITV's tournament has gone so far, Simon Jordan treats a basic World Cup question with the disdain only Simon Jordan could, the genuine majesty of the Azteca Stadium, the very moment this World Cup "burst into life", FIFA's condiment censorship, Brazil get the customary br
Giant lanyards & England camp mood updates: The listeners' World Cup loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller entertain the listener entries for a special edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche World Cup fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are viral World Cup fans, the little-known moment that sparked England’s 60 years of hurt, giant FIFA lanyards, the slow death of the phrase “World Cup finals”, and o
England's Florida scoreboard XI, niche FIFA metrics & watching the World Cup in 4D
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Nick Miller and James Maw. On the agenda: the BBC's co-commentators show some pre-tournament rustiness, FIFA's new plan for pre-kick-off team lineups, the greatest PDF in World Cup history, footballers' names in scathing reviews of West End musicals, the pathetic carry-on of the Real Madrid presidential election, a potentially terrible "4D World C
The Football Cliches Quiz XXV: Cliches vs The England Pod
The 25th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Nick take on The England Pod in a World Cup trivia special.
The questions include: Wikipedia-verified World Cup "Battles Of", the stars of the Three Lions video, World Cup hat-trick merchants, tournament debutants, official match balls, UK-based Trinidadians and ex-Premier League managers at this year's tournament.
Play the new
Stutter steps in Budapest, Switzerland on Saturdays & Keysey's final sign-off
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A cultural review of the Champions League final (feat. commentary intonations and David Schwimmer's divorce), Paul Robinson gets intensely distracted during the Conference League final, Switzerland's curious World Cup scheduling stranglehold, early reports of terrible pub bunting, pundit parentin
The VAR-monitor jog & fans coming in peace: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the exact gait of a referee going over to check the VAR monitor, a tiny element of Baddiel & Skinner's Three Lions you have probably never noticed, the epidemic of fans "c
Spurs circling the drain, European hangover defiance & farmers taking penalties
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether West Ham sleepwalked to relegation and if Spurs are now officially "circling the drain", Villa defying their European hangover, forensics are called in on Bruno Fernandes' assists record, Glenn Murray with an unexpected demonym, farmers taking penalties against Chris Kirkland, and a Premi
Unleash the Arsenal long-reads, Spygate super-schadenfreude & a Bundesliga hoax
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: cutting through the considerable noise of Arsenal's long-awaited Premier League title and the 12-day express saga of Spygate, the Australian Andy Gray, Rory Stewart apparently hearing about VAR for the first time, the one interesting name from the BBC and ITV’s World Cup punditry lineups,
Labour's laboured footballspeak, thumpable scorelines & penalty pop-ups
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: an FA Cup final that will live short in the memory, a confident prediction of West Ham's short-term future, some 4/10 football chat from politicians, serviceable Premier League back-up strikers' names in ski equipment, Adam Wharton’s unexpected backflip, some classic early news of England's World
The Football Cliches Quiz XXIV: Cliches vs The Sweeper - The Rematch
The 24th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on globe-trotting world football storytellers The Sweeper for the second time.
The questions include: Argentine footballspeak, obscure ball suppliers, made-up football podcasts, World Cup coastlines, transport-themed top-flight outfits, fake Brazilian internationals and much more.
Play the new Happy Hunting Ground
Corner-kick chaos, a Premier League without a W & Joe Cole at the Ritz
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the slightly overlooked aspects of the West Ham corner chaos, predicting the title of the Arsenal story-of-the-season book, an alphabetical crisis for the Premier League, five-star co-commentary from Joe Cole, how long is too long for a commentator to stay silent after a goal, and footballers’ na
The 9.75 role, Tom Hiddleston's Champions League mindset & the Faroese Andy Gray
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the Champions League semi-finals (featuring Daniel Sturridge inventing the "nine and three-quarters" role and the return of CBS's Beckham & Friends), celebration policing ties itself in knots, the Andy Gray of the Faroe Islands, former Wimbledon strikers' names in mid
The fixture pile-up threshold, Sean Dyche playing "Sean Dyche" & under-10s trophy parades
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the trickiest title-race-classification task so far, legendary Premier League goalkeepers in petty criminals’ middle names, Sean Dyche's Instagram unveiling, Tim Sherwood on modern football and some awkward football phone-in moments with Chris Sutton.
Meanwhile, the panel anticipa
Team-talk mythology & the stickers of European toilet cubicles: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the mythical status of the half-time team talk, a listener's transcontinental toilet-cubicle sleuthing, nearby fans who state the obvious for 90 minutes and the minor thin
Great adverts for the pyramid, technicians of the sphere & Qatar to Coventry in 3 minutes
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the threshold for the Premier League to tweet the words "and breathe...", the sound of York City's last-gasp, fifth-tier glory, Paul Scholes at the snooker, Steve Sidwell coins a curious new phrase, RIP Football Focus, some mangled animal-themed football idioms and Richard Keys' 6000-mile Instagr
Elite barbers' FPL advantage, the Collins-Tomkins dilemma & doing The Terrestrial
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the greatest player ever to have a surname that starts with the same letter their first name ends with, Morgan Gibbs-White's other hat-trick against Burnley, a chucklesome commentator's curse, Matt Upson tackles some mundane social-video questions, Canadian rock bands in early 90s Premier
Lee Dixon on toast, “advantage City” & a commentator's Copacabana complex
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Sunday Supplement pastry queries, a cultural review of Manchester 2 Arsenal 1, Darren Fletcher's ongoing hang-up about Brazilians’ birthplaces, Lee Dixon explaining the concept of "on toast" for US fans and Steve McManaman’s descriptive demonyms.
Meanwhile, the panel welcome Coventry City back
Unexpected Stevenage, premature hauntings & the Premier League goal caught on CCTV
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the imminent demise of the iconic Champions League match ball, Carlos Queiroz's highly logical new job, highly obscure football in the background of US crime dramas, worrying gaps appearing in the Premier League Archive, referees in the media, Jorge Mendes-backed dentists and the happy se
Half-and-half Shakespearean scarves, scouting for Shevchenko & the half-dozen crisis
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a stand-out candidate for commentator's curse of the season, a worrying statistic for Pep Guardiola, the prospect of the first-ever top-flight season without a six-goal win, a confusing abbrevation of Wolverhampton Wanderers, half-and-half scarves at the theatre, Omar Marmoush’s convoluted claim to foot
The Football Cliches Quiz XXIII: Cliches vs Career We Go
The 23rd edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Nick take on their familiar foes of Bobby, Theo and Eamo from four-time quiz visitors the Career We Go podcast.
The questions include: experimental pitch markings, Champions League final losers, solo Prem Portugeezers, Joe-Max Moore’s niche claim to fame, Premier League Dennises, the sound of cult football incidents, increment
FA Cup lustre status, Ally McCoist's cliche mashup... and every Premier League game ever
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: reviewing a perfectly-formed set of FA Cup quarter-finals, Ally McCoist combines three subtly different cliches into one, the technicalities of a "see-saw thriller", a potentially terrible football-chant-based TV game show, England strikers' names in 1980s cartoons, the future prospect of Diego S
The Extinction XI
Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Michael Cox to select a lineup of player types that have - temporarily or permanently - gone out of footballing fashion.
The selection process takes in truly unhinged goalkeepers, the 20-year heyday of the sweeper, no-nonsense penalty-taking full-backs, the demise of the Premier League own-goal machine, dedicated man-markers, the surprising nuances of t
Biggleswade bragging rights, Tanzania 0 Liechtenstein 1 & Keysey's perfect Christmas
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Dave's Sunday League management rollercoaster, Ben White's surreal Wembley evening, David Moyes's pointless Brazilian alter ego, Henry Winter on The Killers, the fascinating FIFA Series tournament, the crucial differences between "head to head" and "toe to toe", the football shirts of Butlins, the battl
Football vs The Dictionary: Susie Dent on bus-parking & bouncebackability
The pod welcomes Susie Dent, the queen of Countdown's dictionary corner, to examine the language of football in the sort of detail we've always dreamed of.
Susie takes us through the ironic death of the word bouncebackability, why aplomb is not quite as glamorous as it might sound, talismans, gilt-edged changes, what it feels like to be a stalwart, lambasts vs tirades, princocks and pavonisers,
The Carabao Supremacy, yodelling commentators & the absolute Joe Hart
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the Carabao Cup final, a yodelling commentator at Craven Cottage, Glenn Hoddle's idiosyncrasies rubbing off on his commentary partner, a borderline “rolling back the years” case study, the rise and rise of Joe “Absolute” Hart, FIFA reveal the most "Super Sunday intro" song e
GoPro goalkeepers & textbook crossfield-pass apologies: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the GoPro goalkeepers of non-league, the concept of an English fan being really, really into the Australian A-League, the "overhit crossfield pass" apology transaction and
”My baby looks like Gary Megson", MOTD donking & in dreamland with Bodo/Glimt
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the tense early exchanges of Dave's parenthood, Peter Drury resorting to the L-word at the Emirates on Saturday, Max Dowman's World Cup clamour rating, the use of the word "donk" on Match of the Day, the media's gleeful pursuit of an ever-willing Harry Redknapp, some archive Jonathan Pearce audio
BBC live-text sad lads & watching football in the boozer, with Jimmy "Dead Pubs" McIntosh
The pod welcomes the writer, esteemed pintsman and creator of Dead Pubs, Jimmy McIntosh, for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Jimmy's selections are the nuances of watching live games in the pub (feat. Arsenal fans doing the Gyokeres celebration), the pioneering work of sporting director Damien Comolli, Bri
FA Cup scares/dumpings/cruises, dark orange cards & Roman gladiator VAR
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a new shade of yellow card is invented, VAR delays in Roman times, legendary goalscorers' names in police documentaries, Neil Warnock's ultra-obscure cultural references in post-match interviews and Richard Keys on Indy 500 hosting duties.
Meanwhile, the panel classify each FA Cup fifth-round e
The freefall threshold, Benjamin Sesko's windows & the streets forgetting Santiago Munez
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and James Maw. On the agenda: the official start to the business end of the season, Wolves getting people whispering, Evann Guessand's very precise transfer clause, other podcasts adopting the Cliches Way, Benjamin Sesko's windows, Emma Radacanu's Watford coaches and Richard Keys featuring in a sensational URL.
Meanwh
Co-commentary cues, flopping full-backs & the "one of our own" threshold, with Lucy Ward
The pod welcomes TNT Sports co-commentator Lucy Ward for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as she chooses her six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Lucy's selections are the joy of young players making their senior debut, fence-perching and megaphone-toting Continental ultras, the post-goal cue for a co-commentator to wax lyrical, the "Ayling Flop" and clubs tenu
The 5-a-side keepers' union & World Cup pub bunting: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are the mid-game solidarity between opposing 5-a-side goalkeepers, top-half teams with wildly anomalous goal differences, managers who performatively refuse to watch their play
Literally ghosting, Larry David's Champions League commentary & Sir Alex's 2011/12 title curse
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and, for his 100th appearance, Nick Miller. On the agenda: a cultural review of the North London derby, the threshold for a team "laying a glove" on the opposition, Champions League commentary with an unexpected voice twin, the concept of “losing the dressing room” handily explained by the BBC, the latest superbly-named Brazilia
Hoddle's Curse strikes again, the world-record fans' favourite & a saucy U-turn
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Glenn Hoddle suffers the commentator's curse in the Champions League once again, Tony Dorigo's possible claim to an obscure football record, Coventry 3 Middlesbrough 1 boiled down to its purest Gary Weaver, an unexpected return for Gazzetta Football Italia (sort of), and the news of a foo
The Forest-Watford Vortex, champagne players & Pep vs Daffy Duck
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Pep Guardiola vs Daffy Duck in a fight for the soul of the FA Cup, whistling co-commentators, footballers’ names in US cop documentaries, Jamie O’Hara and Jason Cundy exceed themselves on Talksport, Michael Owen vs Ryan Giggs in the "Far East betting company ambassador video" stakes and predicting Richa
Generic Spurs punditry, regurgitating possession & ding-dong stalemates: The 500th episode
Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the 500th episode of the podcast. On the agenda: the finer details and ramifications of Thomas Frank being sacked by Spurs, celebrity chefs' names in Premier League goals, superb sponsors in National League clubs’ full-time tweets, Adidas releasing a disgustingly expensive multipack of every World Cup ball ever, the dubious concept o
Introverted full-backs, radio commentary synchronicity & the Champions League of trees
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Steve Bruce adds a crucial syllable to Pep Guardiola's legacy, gloriously synchronised radio commentary at Derby County, an unlikely candidate to be the new David Attenborough, an all-conquering UK tree qualifies for Europe, and a new use for the much-maligned Stockley Park.
Meanwhile, the pan
”Absolute wimp", Arsenal's pre-ignited quadruple & a Doha denouement
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Carabao Cup curiosities, the exact status of Arsenal's quadruple hopes, a very subtle footballing prefix for a certain level of player, two listeners submit their 1,500-word mini-thesis on what constitutes a “finish”, the January Transfers That Just Feel So Right XI and a first-ever attem
Scorpion scepticism, 80% ball knowledge & Conor Coady's Football Clubs (2026 edition)
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: subtle podcast references at the darts, goal probabilities with Clinton Morrison, West Brom fans' limited patience with their new manager, football boot manufacturers appearing in Latin epic poems, Conor Coady goes full Conor Coady in his first interview as a Charlton player and selecting the best momen
Flats that overlook stadiums & the optimum time for Sky Sports News: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are Gary Neville's preoccupation with a specific touch of the ball before a shot, the best way to really enjoy an uninterrupted hour of Sky Sports News, the awkwardness of fan
The "what's eating Erling Haaland?" threshold, FA Cup anthem fears & Gary Weaver's Circle of Goals
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a quickfire review of Arsenal 2 Manchester United 3, unacceptably-named Premier League top scorers in football-adjacent Danny Dyer film trailers, the prospect of an FA Cup "anthem", 12.1 seconds of a commentator not realising a team have scored and unexpected ex-Prime Ministers in th
Zohran Mamdani's PL Years & a chat with Éanna Hardwicke on playing Roy Keane in Saipan
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a familiar name pops up at the Australian Open, Arsene Wenger's "daylight" offside law to be trialled in the Canadian Premier League, what things might be on the curriculum of "Football 101", whether the relentless, scoreline-proof chanting of Bundesliga fans gets too much praise, a charm
The moment the AFCON final peaked, Wenger's Law & football gestures at bus stops
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the unifying absurdity that was the Africa Cup of Nations final, whether Spurs vs West Ham's "El Dissatisfactico" is the worst of its genre yet, an unexpected Premier League striker's name in a ghost story, the least satisfying FA Cup draw combinations, one Arsene Wenger tweak to the laws of football th
Properly getting out, cricketing ASMR, and shadow umpire’s call
It’s the final outing of the winter for Cricket Cliches, the first branch line of the Cliches network, and there’s an end of term feeling as the full team assembles to see us home.
We’ve got egregious commentary and a hierarchy of acceptable ways to get out before we get all ASMR and dig into some of your favourite sounds from cricket.
And, of course… of course, there’s another dip into the
Shane Todd on post-save goalkeeper emotions & professional footballer-botherer Rio Ferdinand
Shane Todd on post-save goalkeeper emotions & professional footballer-botherer Rio Ferdinand
The pod welcomes comedian and presenter Shane Todd for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Shane's selections are 5-a-side games with fellow comedians, performatively angry post-save goalkeepers, Rio Ferdinand's uncateg
Semenyo's 0.028% return, six nicknames in 15 seconds & Scotland's bottom dogs
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a minor technicality with Cup-upset measuring, the size of the chunk of Antoine Semenyo's fee he had paid back, Scott McTominay's many nicknames, an unacceptable phrase for a team bottom of the table, a four-way footballing dilemma you have absolutely never considered before and Arsenal flops' na
41-year-old blokes playing for prime Barca, Ken Barlow's terrace anthem, and the Sir Alex blessing
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Manchester United's legacy machine cranks into gear again, some confusion over the pronunication of Chelsea's new manager, a familiar sound in a mid-90s wrestling arcade game, unlikely common ground between River Plate and Coronation Street's Ken Barlow, a teacher breaks some football new
Resurgent corner flags, Eddie Howe's onslaught threshold & "the Pound Shop Potter”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a whistle-stop tour of the media reaction to Chelsea and Manchester United's managerial upheaval, the Premier League finally unleashes its video archive, Eddie Howe queries the "onslaught" threshold, some quintessential West Hamming, some unprecedented co-commentary homework, hyperlocal derby technicali
Snake pits and minefields, the shadow follow-on, and catching on camera
The fifth outing for the Cricket Cliches crew but are they now set? And what does that mean, anyway?
The shadow batting debate intensifies as we enter the second innings; Tickers (and most of the audience) are on #TeamGallen and we’re all checking on our sanity with Internal Athers.
There could only be one topic at the centre of our conversation; it’s the strip at the centre of the game. Was th
That Man DCL, heading your granny & clowns in Slough bunkers
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the freescoring Dominic Calvert-Lewin passes a very particular threshold, Match of the Day exceeds its goalkeeper pundit quota, Joe Cole somehow morphs into Harry Redknapp on the radio, Michael B Jordan renames AFC Bournemouth, absurd salary-cap developments in the USA... and a tree with Richard
Domestic shadow-batting, no mugs, and spectator stress
While England self-immolate, Cricket Cliches maintains its admittedly modest run of form in our fourth outing. Aussie commentators Aaron Finch and Adam Gilchrist are taken to task as they play fast and loose… with words.
Picking up where we left off with the classification of lower-order runs, we think about the individuals doing the damage. Do you know which end of the bat to hold? Seems like th
Absolute dreamland: The Best of Football Clichés in 2025
Every football pundit ever, condensed into one approximated voice; accidental nursery rhymes in Champions League commentary; last-gasp Cliches Quiz drama; red-card timekeeping technicalities; "Hawk on!", Niclas Fullkrug’s oddly awe-inspiring forehead; Richard Keys and a legendary two-hour livestream; a man called Rudi Voller; solving one of the greatest football TV mysteries of all time; Tom Cruis
Glove-spitting goalkeepers & edge-of-the-D drama at five-a-side: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are players whose name-based chants sound like they're being booed, the layout of seven-goal thrillers on score apps, the flimsy logic of “but they still had 11 internationals
North-east river supremacy, David Moyes' giant duck & Keysey's nutmegs
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the media wrestles with what to call the derby between Sunderland and Newcastle, bafflingly-transcribed football chants in match reports, whether both teams can have their "tails up" in quick succession, Harry Wilson and the "human after all" threshold, a football cliché uttered in UK parliament
Tricky little sessions, daddy hundreds, and getting hit "amidships"
The Ashes are basically done and dusted after England’s pink ball capitulation. Time for the third session of Cricket Cliches, but is it a tricky little one?
Stokes and Baz have been facing the media, maybe the toughest test of all. Is there anything they can say that will help? Don’t think so, champ.
What we need is another way to bring a bit of levity to proceedings. No disingenuous protests h
Unexpected Clive Tyldesley noises & Gabriel's hypothetical Arsenal own-goal hell
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's March "send-off" to the World Cup, Clive Tyldesley commentary intonations in Sky Atlantic trailers, a brave radio reporter subverts the “turned provider” classic, some very unthreatening hooligans in a BBC radio drama and Richard Keys’s news in brief.
Meanwhile, the panel pon
Uzbekistan vs Colombia at 3am, the Infantino Shrug & a dubious bagsman
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a review of the World Cup draw ceremony, forecasting the nation's TV viewing habits next summer, why Mohamed Salah chose the wrong time and place for his seismic outburst, a dubious recipent of the "bagsman" honour and Dion Dublin invents a new variation on the proverbial goalscoring diet.
The
I Wanna Dance With Peter Drury, grinding out a 5-4 & Haaland's League One future
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Richarlison’s claims to a niche world record, whether you can "grind out" a 5-4 win, the most "X years of age" age, the latest elite-level mannerism to trickle down to the grassroots, some 24-carat Andy Gray co-commentary gold and much more.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder the likeliest ci
Commentator's curse conspiracies, homegrown stewards & Lee Hendrie's "highgevity”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A commentator’s curse turns into a mini-saga with no winners, League Two stadium names in viral, overpriced New York delis, Saudi Pro league expert Lee Hendrie invents a new word, the best opposition for Mexico in the opening game at the World Cup, Ben Chilwell on 19th-century Alsatian architectu
Expected leaves, driving "on the up" & absolute Ebony Rainford-Brent
It’s the second test for the Cricket Cliches crew featuring our first change as cricket writer Charlie Reynolds steps in for Nick Miller.
On the agenda today; Ashes misery, who deserves more sympathy? Holiday-makers Down Under forced to endure the vineyards of Western Australia, or those of us stuck at home with TNT Sports?
England’s batters got plenty of stick for trying to drive “on the up”. W
The Football Cliches Quiz XXII: Cliches vs Career We Go — The Decider
The 22nd edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on Bobby, Joe and Eamo from three-time quiz visitors the Career We Go podcast.
The questions include: Anguillan internationals, chronological conundrums, football men dubbed into foreign languages, the muddled club career of Craig Bellamy, Southampton players that never were, Name The New Signing By Their Unveiling I
Arsenal's official title status, Idris Elba's prefix woe & the verb "to goal”
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Charlie's Sunday Supplement debut, the soundtrack of a comeback from 2-0 down away from home, the definitive classification of Arsenal’s title chances, the unexpected verb of "goaled", Daniel Farke and the most boring inevitable sacking of all time, and Idris Elba's football knowledge is brutally
Lashing/dabbing a seed/cherry, moral victories, and why do the Aussies hate Bazball?
This, is Cricket Cliches, the all-new, slightly strange cousin of your favourite football podcast hosted by commentator Daniel Norcross with cricket journalists Dan Gallan and Dave Tickner, and the soothingly familiar presence of FC regular Nick Miller.
In our very first episode, on the eve of The Ashes, we dive headlong into the Bazball debate… why does it wind Australians up so much? And while
The "Club X til I die" loophole & torn hamstrings at the Battle of Hastings: The listeners' loves & hates
Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are a tiny loophole in pledging your lifelong allegiance to your club, referees waiting patiently to book an injured player, and whether football-specific injuries ever occurr
Premature dark-horsing, false-nine nostalgia & introducing... Cricket Clichés
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Ireland's preliminary World Cup heroics, Norway’s World Cup “grey horses”, Dion Dublin partially settles the “Diadora pass” mystery, law firm partners with superbly football surnames, Sean Dyche on his personal finances, unexpected false-nine nostalgia, the lesser-known technicalitie
On toast in his pocket, pulling up trees & The Number-and-a-Half XI
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the coining of a superb phrase in Canada, Dua Lipa tests the football hipster threshold, Conor Bradley’s triple lock on Vinicius Junior, an early contender for semi-accidental footballing portmanteau of the season, how to (not) "pull up trees", the celebrity TV equivalent of inevitably si
Accidentally patronising commentary, the Battle of the Big Dan B's & Keysey meets Piers
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Clichés catchphrases in unexpected places, Steve McManaman's accidentally patronising co-commentary, football's earliest proverbial Christmas present, the converging trajectories of Big Dan Burn and Big Dan Ballard, tinpot scenes at the Under-17 World Cup, Tuchel's England get ahead of a classic
Vittorio Angelone on orchestral anthems, Lev Yashin's cap, and badge-avoiding classy touches
We’d love your vote for Football Clichés as Podcast of the Year at the FSA Awards: https://vote.footballcliches.com/
The pod welcomes comedian Vittorio Angelone for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Vittorio's selections are a passionate defence of classical music's influence on football, a brief history of
”Cool as custard”, Reo-Coker's hanky-panky & football's reigning Great Entertainers
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the story behind an FA Cup penalty shootout commentary curiosity, a familiar sound effect in a Roman history documentary, the least cool item of clothing ever worn by a top-flight manager, someone selling match-worn Premier League referees' shirts on Vinted and Keys & Gray switch their international all
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