Infidelity, Sexless & Tough Conversations | The Paradox of Change Podcast
Elliot, Fifi, Lottie 44 episodes Nov 5, 2026
This podcast explores the complexities of relationships, focusing on infidelity, intimacy, and difficult conversations. Hosted by therapist Elliot Burgess, sex and intimacy specialist Lottie Passell-Syms, and growth coach Fi Sclif, it offers practical tools for rebuilding trust, improving communication, and navigating issues like divorce and co-parenting. The show emphasizes self-discovery and the importance of understanding personal boundaries and needs as the foundation for healthy connections with others.
Episodes
We're All Sexual Beings But Why Do We Fight It in Marriage?
Why do so many couples struggle to maintain physical intimacy over time? Laura How, Links below) Lottie and Elliot and explore the reality that we are all sexual beings and discuss why so many partners end up fighting this natural instinct within a committed relationship. If you are experiencing a sexless marriage, you are certainly not alone, and understanding the root causes is the first step to
Why You Feel Like a Stranger to the Person You Love | POC 52
What happens when the person you love stops making you feel like you exist? That quiet erosion can turn into anxiety, resentment, control, and a relationship that looks intact from the outside but feels deeply lonely on the inside.📌 Work with us:Book a session: [https://theparadoxofchange.com/GetThe...]Here, we talk about the heart of relational pain: having your existence acknowledged. The speake
The Reality of Living in a Sexless Partnership | The Comments POC 51
Real listener comments on sexless marriage reveal the pain of feeling unseen. Let's unpack the silence in relationships.Therapists Elliot and Lottie read real audience reflections to explore why intimacy issues often stem from repeated rejection and unmet needs. This conversation addresses the hope gap where one partner expects change while the other remains silent, and how this dynamic can l
His Bills. Her Load. No Sex. Who Is Right?
We unpack why the “mental load” debate hits so hard in a sexless marriage, and why one partner’s silence is not the absence of responsibility.She often carries the micro load: noticing, planning, remembering, anticipating what might go wrong.He often carries the macro load: work, money, safety, the pressure he never names.Both can be anxious. Both can feel unseen. And when criticism, control, and
Can an Affair Be Understandable in a Sexless Marriage? A Therapist Deep Dive
Can infidelity be wrong but understandable is a complex question that therapist Elliot Burgess and Lottie Passell-Syms delve into in this deep dive discussion. For men in a sexless marriage, the lack of intimacy can lead to emotional disconnection and touch deprivation, also known as skin hunger. This can have a profound effect on the husband, leading to feelings of rejection and low libido. In so
The Comments That Stopped Us In Our Tracks | SEXLESS MARRIAGE POC47
You responded to our last few episodes about Sexless Relationships, in a way we didn't expect. Thousands of comments. Hundreds of stories. Some of them stopped us mid-session.This week, Elliot and Lottie sit down to read and respond to YOUR comments - the ones that were raw, unfiltered, and at times, devastating. Men who have been living in sexless marriages for 10, 20, even 30 years. Women r
Is she pulling away, but wants ALL the benefits? Hits different when you're a Therapist!
We explore the painful reality of "forced celibacy" and the emotional distance that often precedes a sexless relationship. Using a classic scene from American Beauty as a jumping-off point, we discuss how couples often lose their connection to each other long before the intimacy stops. You may also like our last episode: https://youtu.be/_qCEI1ONAPwWe dive into the complex reasons why in
No SEX but wants ALL the Marriage benefits? | A Therapists DeepDive
If sex is off the table but the loyalty, the dinners, the emotional availability are still expected - something in your relationship has fundamentally broken down. And nobody is talking about it honestly.In this episode, therapists Elliot and Lottie go deep on one of the most painful dynamics in modern marriage: when one partner pulls away from intimacy but still wants all the benefits. This is Pa
I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep Dive POC 44 - Audio
This video is about POC 44 I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep DiveHow to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
I do want SEX just not with YOU
On our Walk and Talk episode, we explore the reality of a sexless marriage (dead bedroom) and the silent pain of couples experiencing emotional and physical disconnection. Through raw, honest insights, we dissect how unspoken resentments, fear of rejection, and societal expectations can erode intimacy over time, and we offer practical strategies for rebuilding a genuine connection.Whether you are
Is withholding Sex an infidelity - Hits different when you are a therapist | Deep Dive POC 42
When Is Withholding Sex Considered Infidelity? A Deep Dive into Trust, Betrayal, and Boundaries Previous episode: • Is withholding Sex an infidelity - Hits di... We explore the complex nature of infidelity and betrayal in relationships, focusing on whether withholding sex for non-medical reasons qualifies as infidelity. With insights from therapy and real-world examples, we uncover how boundar
I Want YOU to Want to, hits different when you're a Therapist - Deep Dive (SEXLESS MARRIAGE)
Is your partner there, but not really there? That's the silence at the heart of a sexless marriage. In this Deep Dive, Lottie and Elliot unpack why one partner withdraws physically, and why the other's attempts to reconnect keep missing the mark. Using the iconic "I want you to want to do the dishes" scene from The Break-Up, they reveal the hidden language of bids for connectio
The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist Deep Dive
What actually happens when sex disappears from a relationship, and why is it so hard to talk about? In this deep dive, therapist Lottie and Elliot go beyond the surface and into the real psychological dynamics behind sexless marriages: unresolved conflict, contempt, shame, and the moment a couple quietly becomes roommates.This is the conversation most couples never have, until it's almost too
The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist
Join Elliot and Lottie on an honest walk | Cheating or sexless? When one partner takes sex off the table, what happens to the other? In this Walk & Talk, therapists Lottie and Elliot unpack one of the most painful dilemmas couples face — forced celibacy in a committed relationship, loosing limerence and why it so often leads to affairs.We break down:🔹 Why contempt and lack of communication des
Can you separate with dignity? Here's how
We explore the nuanced process of conscious uncoupling, HOW TO LET GO respectfully, intentionally, and with growth at the core. Drawing from therapeutic insights, we uncover how deep self-awareness, empathy, and healthy boundaries transform separation into an opportunity for healing and new beginnings.Key topics:The limits of connection based on individual inner workRecognising and bridging the ga
Blindsided by Betrayal - Have you just found out about the affair?
Lottie and Elliot talk about being Blindsided by Betrayal: Navigating the Aftermath (We Talk Cheating): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0PR4-GNlDE&t=196sWe delve into the emotional turmoil in the relationships, and explore the initial shock, the grief cycle, and the complex emotions that follow discovering infidelity. Through personal anecdotes and listener comments, they discuss coping stra
This is how to rebuild the intimate act in a sexless relationship!
Welcome to The Paradox of Change - your couples therapy and relationship advice channel hosted by three experienced therapists. We believe there has to be an I before We.Struggling with trust issues, affair recovery, sexual rejection, or intimacy problems? Whether you're dealing with a sexless marriage, low libido, or rejection sensitivity - we help you build a stronger relationship with your
The BIGGEST Misconceptions About Open Relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie Wanner explore the complexities of OPEN relationships, communication, and intimacy. They discuss the impact of past trauma on current relationships, the dynamics of low desire, and the importance of accountability and radical acceptance in navigating intimacy. You may like this episode https://youtu.be/AC08xbGuadUThe conversation emphasises the need for open dialogu
Why Withholding Sex Destroys Relationships
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex?This episod
Is This Your Discomfort or Mine? Navigating Disability Conversations POC-31
We have an honest talk with with Poppy Tiltman, who's here to share her perspective on disability without the usual sugar-coating. In this candid episode, Poppy makes one thing clear from the start: she doesn't want to be your inspiration, and she's not here to make you feel good about yourself - thats your job!Living with cerebral palsy and autism, Poppy cuts through the typical fe
The One Thing That Predicts Relationship Success
The secret to lasting love isn't about finding the perfect partner or mastering communication techniques. There's one fundamental question that predicts whether your relationship will thrive or fail: "Can I be me with you?" If you are searching for relationship repair or relationship advice, this might be the show for you.In this deep-dive conversation, Elliot and Lottie explor
Military Anxiety: From Crippling Dread to Helping Others Heal
Former Royal Navy Lieutenant Commander Jamie Leaper shares his powerful journey from military service to becoming a therapist - and why being part of the 20% of male counsellors is changing how men engage with mental health.In this honest conversation, Jamie discusses:• The reality of military-to-civilian transition anxiety• Why the "veteran" label can be harmful• How injury recovery cha
Are Men Okay?
Is there a Crisis in Masculinity? Elliot and James Penny from Flex Your Feelings podcast, tackle one of today's most controversial topics head-on!In this honest conversation, we explore:- Why modern men feel lost and confused about their identity- How social media algorithms are warping masculine role models- The shocking truth about what schools are teaching boys about masculinity- Why "
Labiaplasty - When the pursuit of perfection becomes dangerous!
Labiaplasty & Ozempic : Understanding the Surge in Popularity... Our resident therapist and coach, Fi, interviews Ceira Robinson, from London's prestigious Mayfair cosmetic surgery scene. Might Like this? https://youtu.be/pK6vVHyeWcs?si=hEY6cYBTGeo4VWd6This eye-opening conversation reveals the alarming surge in cosmetic procedures, especially labiaplasty among young women, and exposes how
Anorexia Survivor and Therapist Explains Signs and Help
How do we Understanding the Emotional Roots of Eating Disorders? You might like our other episode Infidelity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U&t=1618sElliot and Lauren explore how these disorders manifest differently in athletes compared to the general public, the impact of family dynamics, and the emotional struggles that often accompany these conditions. We highlights the importanc
Communication and Dating and what to learn
Expert Advice On Intimacy, Sex & Relationships. We discuss everything from dating, to love bombing vs limerence to conscious uncoupling. You may like 'Do Happy People Cheat?': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5UA conversation with sex and intimacy specialist Lottie Passell-Syms, hosted by mental health podcast creators James Penny and Sam Bell: Sam and James our the brains be
Can a MONTH Without SEX Spark Romance Again? From Room Mates to Romance
From Room Mates to Romance... How can we rescue the SEX and INTIMACY from a potentially failing relationship and rekindle the spark we're looking for into something even better! What if no sex leads to infidelity (https://youtu.be/Gh-qO5lQg5U) and, What if consciously choosing to pause your sex life could be the very thing that saves your relationship? SummaryThis week Lottie and Elliot explo
Do Happy People Cheat? Our resident sex and intimacy therapist shares all... Episode #023
Rethinking infidelity - part 2 ... Exploring the definitions, the dynamics of micro affairs, and the emotional and physical impacts on relationships. The thrill and dopamine effects associated with infidelity, link to Episode 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6JUnK131nI&t=1250sThey also touch on the changing dynamics of relationships and the rising prevalence of affairs. In this conversation,
Modern Man: A Therapist's Guide to Modern Male Mental Health
The hidden crisis of male mental health in 2025. From workplace struggles to finding authentic connection, we uncover why so many men feel lost today. You might also like: • Men are losing their masculinity #017 Today we sit down with BetterHelp therapist Richard Whitenstall.🎯 In This Episode:• Why men are struggling to find their place in modern society• The impact of workplace dynamics on me
Infidelity - The Many Faces of Affairs
📢 Episode 21: The Truth About Infidelity, Affairs, & Healing Relationships💔 Why do people cheat? How does limerence (obsessive attraction) impact relationships? Can couples repair trust after an affair? In this episode of The Paradox of Change, Elliot Burgess explores infidelity, emotional affairs, attachment theory, and the complex emotions of betrayal.🔎 Topics Covered: ✅ Types of Affairs: Em
From Courage to Confidence: Lessons from 2024 on Therapy, Coaching, and Growth
“Change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen.”In this special year-end episode of The Paradox of Change podcast, Elliot, Lottie, and Fi reflect on the transformative journey of 2024, sharing personal stories, professional breakthroughs, and key lessons from their work in therapy, coaching, and business. From Fee’s leap into entrepreneurship and Lottie’s work as a sex and relationship therapist
Surviving Christmas and New Year
This week Elliot and Geri explore the emotional challenges many face during the Christmas and New Year holidays, particularly focusing on grief, family dynamics, and the increase in domestic violence. The discussion highlights coping strategies, the importance of support systems, and the need for self-care during this time. It emphasises the significance of reaching out for help and finding ways
Can We Be Friends With Our X Lovers?
This week, Elliot and Lottie explore the complexities of relationships, (can we be friends with ex lovers) focusing on themes of heartache, the importance of friendships, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult connections. They discusses the significance of letting go, the role of inner child work, and the necessity of building trust in relationships. Then emphasizing the value of authen
Men are losing their masculinity
This weeks episode, Rob Tearle shares his journey from being an engineer to becoming a therapist, highlighting the importance of addressing male mental health issues. He discusses the societal pressures on masculinity, the stigma surrounding therapy for men, and the need for male role models. Rob emphasises the significance of vulnerability and emotional well-being, encouraging men to seek help an
CONFLICT is growth trying to happen. Lets talk about defensiveness
SummaryElliot and Lottie delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on defensiveness, communication, and the impact of generational trauma. They explore the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as identified by John Gottman, discussing how defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt can undermine relationships. The conversation emphasises the importance of empathy, vulnerability, a
Why the F*CK would I talk about FEELINGS!
In this episode of 'The Paradox of Change', therapist Al shares his personal journey into the world of therapy, discussing the challenges he faced with anger, vulnerability, and the importance of building trust in therapeutic relationships. He reflects on the impact of fatherhood, the stigma surrounding men's mental health, and the influence of social media on modern relationships.
Finding Hope in the Darkest Moments Episode
James shares his deep personal journey towards self-acceptance and love, defining love as unconditional acceptance of oneself and others.Challenges and Growth: He delves into a crucial turning point where he struggled with self-rejection, leading him into a dark place, and how he emerged by reconnecting with his inner child.Significant Insights:* Emphasises the importance of embracing the inner ch
The Road to Authenticity
Geri Carey shares her journey from business and leadership to becoming a therapist, coach, author, and academic researcher in authenticity. The conversation covers topics such as the transition to online therapy, the impact of AI counselling, the process of being cracked open, and the role of therapeutic coaching. Jerry also discusses the benefits of a person-centered approach in her work and how
Coaching and Therapy, what’s the difference with Rum Fotooki
Fi and Rum discuss various topics related to relationships, coaching, and therapy. They explore the dynamics of conversations and the importance of sharing more in order to build connections. Elliot shares his journey into coaching and his focus on relationships. They discuss the experience of ghosting and the impact it can have on one's self-esteem. They also touch on the concept of perfecti
Getting into Couple Work with Lottie and Sam Walton
Our resident couples therapist, and psychosexual counsellor, Lottie, explores the world of couple therapy and the importance of training, supervision, and collaboration in this field with our guest, Sam Walton. The speakers discuss the journey of becoming couple therapists and the benefits of working with couples. They emphasise the significance of creating a calm space for couples and the role of
How to find the love of your life after 60
Our resident Sex and Relationship therapist Lottie, talks about her recent Guardian publication and the message promoting a healthier way of thinking to find the ONE.Here's the link to the full artical: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/jan/01/how-to-find-the-love-of-your-life-after-60-ask-a-friend-to-write-your-dating-profilehttps://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchangeHow to find us: htt
Loving ourselves and our clients - episode
What an incredible session with James Penney! Today's talk reminded us that counseling is not just a path to overcoming life's hurdles but can also be a fun, exciting, and deeply fulfilling journey. James encourages us all to be the best versions of ourselves, embracing our imperfections that make us truly unique. Remember, it's about enjoying the journey and finding joy in the impe
Understanding Autism: A Deep Dive with Therapist Karen Prouton #007
In this enlightening episode of the "Paradox of Change" podcast, we are joined by Karen Prouton, an integrative therapist and a beacon in the field of Autism support and awareness. Karen brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to the table, not only from her role as a senior practitioner in an NHS autism assessment service but also through her private practice where she offers autism
Our First Client Story - It Takes a Village to Support a Widower - episode 6
Join us on this uplifting episode of 'The Paradox of Change,' where Rob and therapist, [Me, I, Elliot], delve into a story of loss, love, and the liberating journey of self-acceptance. Rob shares his experience with the grief of losing his beloved wife to cancer and how therapy helped him find a friend in himself. Listen as he quotes the powerful insights that guided him through his dark
We hunt those, who hunt children! With Adam Whittington & Chris Harvey #005
Welcome to a very special edition of #TheParadoxOfChange, coming to you from the heart of London, overlooking the serenity of the River Thames. Today, we're zooming in on a global mission that's bigger than all of us – Project Rescue Children. 🌍🕊️Your host today, the dedicated UK Director Chris Harvey, is here, on a windy balcony backdrop, to dive deep into a story of courage and relentl
Unlocking Life's Purpose with Leilah Mirza | Holistic Healing
Join us for an illuminating interview with Leilah Mirza, a gifted holistic therapist, healer, and presenter. Discover her unique tools for client transformation and delve into the intriguing Paradox of Change.Based in Southampton and serving clients worldwide, Leilah is on a mission to help you uncover your life's purpose through holistic methods, including inner child work. Our conversations
Face the fear and do it anyway. Scott Oshea and the Station Mill Fitness Club, #003
In this exclusive interview, we dive deep into the transformative journey of Scott O’Shea, a remarkable entrepreneur who bravely opens up!Join us as we explore Scott's entrepreneurial path, his vulnerability surrounding mental health, and how he has become a pillar of support for his community with his health club and gym. Through his story, we uncover valuable insights about therapy, seeking
How fitness has direct benefits to sex performance
Lottie, co-host and co-founder, psychosexual, therapist and couples counsellor, interviews, personal trainer, Nicky Taylor about the importance and benefits of physical health and the connection to a sexual and mental health. 🌱pelvic floors 🌱breathe work 🌱variety of exercises-muscle mass/building muscle 🌱performance 🌱body image 🌱biggest sex organ is your brain 🌱circulation & blood flow 🌱lin
Lets get acquainted
A podcast dedicated to Mental Health and well being, with practitioners, entrepreneurs an even clients we've worked with historically. Today marks a milestone in our podcast as this is our first recording. We hope you enjoy our introduction with Fi Sclif resident Coach and web Designer and Lottie Passell-Syms Integrative Psychotherapist, Psychosexual and Relationship Coach, Sex and Intimacy
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