Free Sex
Free Sex is a podcast hosted by Adam Zmith that explores what is stopping people from having the sex they want. Each episode features a different guest, including kinksters, sexual health doctors, writers, sex workers, and therapists, to imagine a future of sexual freedom. Produced by Aunt Nell, the queer team behind The Log Books and Black And Gay, Back In The Day, it is inclusive and welcoming to all genders, sexualities, and LGBTQI+ identities. The show ranges from mild to wild while respecting diverse perspectives on sex.
Episodes
054 - Affordable homes - Alva Gotby
How would housing justice help our sex lives?My guest in this episode is Alva Gotby, a writer and housing organiser. She is also the author of the new book Feeling at Home, which is all about housing politics. Alva’s idea is we can’t talk about free sex without talking about housing — the spaces where we live have a huge impact on the kind of sex we’re able to have.I talked with Alva about th
053 - Prioritise pleasure - Prishita Maheshwari-Aplin
How can we prioritise pleasure?My guest in this episode is Prishita Maheshwari-Aplin, a writer and queer community organiser. Having just written a book about the politics of pleasure, called Roses for Hedone, Prishita has a lot of deep thoughts about how we could structure our societies so we can pursue pleasure. You can see why I wanted to speak to them!It might be self-evident that a world of f
052 - Better flirting! - Alice McKee
What’s stopping us from flirting?My guest in this episode is Alice McKee, a playwright and documentary maker. Alice thinks we can build a world where people can have the sex they want if only we were all better at flirting. Are we too full of nerves and anxieties that we can’t even make a goofy joke?In our conversation Alice drew on her work as the writer of a play called Perverts. It’s set in a q
051 - AI girlfriends - Georgi Dimitrov
Can men use AI to learn how to seduce women?My guest in this episode is Georgi Dimitrov, founder of an AI platform that helps men to generate a fake woman, and then chat to her. Georgi knows that a lot of straight men struggle with texting, chatting, dating, and sex, and building relationships...But having spoken to Georgi I’m not sure he’s got the right answer. As you’ll hear in the interview, Ge
050 - BONUS: Sex spaces for all
To mark the milestone of hitting 50 episodes of Free Sex, I want to add my own idea for how we can build a world where people are free to have the sex they want.My proposal is delightfully simple and appropriately bonkers: let’s put a sex space on every high street in Britain. Yes, I’m serious. No, your granny probably won’t approve. Your neighbour will ask you to sign the petition against it. The
049 - Shame is good! - Dug Gaines
How can we educate people so they can enjoy their shameful desires?My guest in this episode is Dug Gaines, who is a living legend. For 50 years Dug has been running the Foot Fraternity, a network for people who love feet. More specifically, Dug himself is into asthenolagnia, which is arousal from perceived weakness, vulnerability, and humiliation — often wrapped up in shame.Having spent half a cen
048 - A day without Instagram - Ruby Rare
What if we all quit watching influencers and met to discuss sex instead?My guest in this episode is Ruby Rare, who has a bone to pick with the internet. She’s built a huge online audience for her work as a sex educator, author, broadcaster, and public speaker. Ruby’s voice on sex and relationships is essential for our times, and it’s great that people can hear and see her ideas about sex online. B
047 - Group sex - Leanne Yau
Is group sex the way to a better world?My guest in this episode is Leanne Yau, who runs the @polyphiliablog viral accounts across social media. Leanne is a polyamory educator who, among many other things, wants people to know more about group sex. Leanne told me how group sex and polyamory are different; and then we went on to discuss the social politics of it all. From the question of whether mor
046 - Cost cutting - Matt Skully
Are sex events and fetish gear too expensive?My guest in this episode is Matt Skully, who’s a performer, curator, events producer and occasional sex worker. His heart is as big as his desires as dark—and he’s got a long list of ideas that could make sex more financially accessible to people. Fetish gear costs money, event tickets aren’t getting cheaper, and sometimes you have to travel big, e
045 - Be serious! - Anastasiia Fedorova
Can we find a way to take sex seriously?My guest in this episode is Anastasiia Fedorova, a latex lover and author of a book called Second Skin: Inside the Worlds of Fetish, Kink and Deviant Desire. Anastasiia takes her subject so seriously that she’s built it into her life—and written a whole book about it. I was fascinated to hear more about the research she’s done for the book, from fetishe
044 - It’s complicated! - Sari van Anders
What if sexuality wasn’t a spectrum?My guest in this episode is Sari Van Anders, who is a very multi-faceted scientist and thinker. Drawing on her experience in behavioural science and neuroscience, plus gender and queer thinking, Sari and her team have built an incredibly refreshing concept for how we can think of ourselves as sexual beings.We tend to think of our gender and sex as one thing, and
043 - Licensed sex - Karl Verboten
How should we regulate sex clubs?My guest in this episode is Karl Verboten, one of the masterminds behind one of London’s greatest kink club nights, Klub Verboten.Karl told me the story of how Klub Verboten had to fight an archaic licensing system in order to hold parties that are sex-positive and safe at the same time. It’s a really fascinating story to do with local politics, legal regulations,
042 - Tone shift - Zachary Zane
Are sex-positive people too self-righteous?My guest in this episode is Zachary Zane, a writer whose work focuses on sex and, well, his own experiences as a bisexual slut. Zach literally wrote the book on being a Boyslut.Zach came on Free Sex to talk about how writers like him (and me), and anyone else talking about sex politics, can improve how we talk about sex. If we are hoping to build a world
BONUS: The rent is killing my sex life
What a dominatrix taught me about universal basic incomeThis is an audio version of an essay from the Free Sex Substack - subscribe now to receive my writing into your inbox, and to support my work.Would you join me in a thought experiment? We all have basic needs, such as food and shelter. And most of us have to cover these ourselves. Even though governments promise to provide our basic needs, pe
040 - Free money is sexy - Eva Oh
What if we didn’t need to work to earn money?My guest in this episode is Eva Oh, a dominatrix who wants everyone to have their basic needs financially covered. This was such a philosophical conversation, and I loved it! Eva argues that we can build a world of free sex if we adopt a universal basic income — people would have more time to investigate their own sexuality, instead of having to work so
039 - No normal - Silva Neves
How can we flip the script on what sex and relationships can be?My guest in this episode is Silva Neves, who is a psychosexual and relationships psychotherapist. Silva sees all sorts of clients with different challenges to do with sex and relationships, so he’s a fascinating person to talk to about free sex. His big idea is that we need to know ourselves without the influences of society. Tha
038 - Kink as an identity - Richard Sprott
Should we change our sexuality labels?My guest in this episode is Richard Sprott, a psychologist and sexuality researcher. Richard’s been exploring human sexuality for 20 years but says he’s still “at the beginning” of understanding it. His principle, developing, idea is about ‘kink identity’—which could help us to get to a world of free sex.The idea is that our kink identities can be just as sign
037 - Channelling sexual energy - Kalah Hill
Do we all share a communal sexual energy that’s just waiting to be activated?My guest in this episode is Kalah Hill, and she thinks the answer is definitely yes! Kalah works with individuals and groups of people to help them to discover and channel their sexual energies. She’s all about rooting our sexual pleasures in our bodies, our spirits, our ecosystems and our histories. So she was a fascinat
036 - Sexy clubs - Diana Isi
How can we create non-judgemental sex clubs and dancefloors?My guest in this episode is Diana Isi, who is part of the underground queer scene in London. As a DJ, Diana helps to create precious spaces where people come together to feel good, feel sexy, to dance, to commune, to kiss and maybe more. Diana’s vision for free sex is spaces like this, which operate without judgement or labels or categori
035 - Foot shame - Adam Zmith
What if... we could suck toes without shame?In this episode, my producer Tash turns the mic on ME to ask me about my foot kink. I’ve just published a new book called Solemates: A History of Our Fetish for Feet, so Tash has a million questions for me about how it can help us to get to a world where we can suck toes without stressing out about it. Tash and I discuss shame, freedom, what is actu
034 - BONUS: My book about foot fetishes - Adam Zmith
This episode is an excerpt from my new book, Solemates: A History of Our Fetish for Feet, published by 404 Ink. You can buy the book from the usual places and direct from the publisher here.If you sign up to my newsletter I’ll send you a PDF of the text of the first chapter as a taster, too.The excerpt is read by me, and it’s the introduction chapter for the book. It introduces my fetish, and my d
033 - Open desires - Liam Wignall
What if... we could see everyone’s intimate sexual desires?My guest in this episode is Liam Wignall, a researcher, lecturer and writer specialising in the role of the internet in our sex lives, especially for kinky people. Liam’s got a fun idea: imagine if we all wore some X-ray specs that revealed everyone else’s sexual tastes. Liam thinks we could get to a world of free sex if only our desires w
032 - Free choice - Kitty Drake
Why do we desire what we desire?*This episode discusses sexual assault and an alleged case of rape*My guest in this episode is Kitty Drake, a journalist who interviews a lot of people about the sex they have. Kitty helped me to see that we could approach a free-sex world if we’re able to give ourselves over to sex while at the same time hold space for reflecting on why we fancy it. How are our des
031 - Denied sex - Claire Bates
How are people with learning disabilities held back from sex?My guest in this episode is Claire Bates who runs a network for people with learning disabilities, supporting them in sex and relationships. Through her work with Supported Loving Claire has tracked all the ways that people with disabilities are held back from the sex they want to have — whether it’s discriminatory laws or unhelpful staf
030 - ‘Clean’ bums - Henry Blest
What if you could have anal sex without the shit?My guest in this episode is Henry Blest, “the most ambitious bottom in London”. It says that on his LinkedIn profile, honestly! Henry and I talked about the realities of anal sex, from the slipperiness of the term ‘clean’ to ‘taboo tech’, which is technology that faces stigma when trying to solve our problems.Henry is one half of a duo who have inve
029 - Sex is boring - Tina Fetner
Why do we need social norms around sex?My guest in this episode is Tina Fetner, a sociologist who has studied peoples’ sex lives in Canada. Tina walked me through her research into the who, why, when and how of sex, including what she’s discovered about masturbation habits, promiscuity and porn. And then we got into a conversation about the social norms of sex, which we all seem to measure ourselv
028 - Bi-curious play - Emma Sayle
What can bi-curious men learn from women?My guest in this episode is Emma Sayle who for two decades has been running glamorous sex parties that centre female pleasure. Many of the men who go to Emma’s Killing Kittens parties have wanted to play with other men, but feel some worries or shame about it. So now Emma is planning a party just for them.In this episode, Emma told me what she’s learnt from
027 - Blue pills - Phil Samba
When can we have all the sexual health services we need?My guest in this episode is Phil Samba, health promoter and the host of The Other Blue Pill podcast series. That show is about a pill called PrEP, which stops people getting HIV, and how campaigners fought legal battles for years to make it available to everyone in the UK. Phil is now trying to keep up that momentum in making all our sexual h
026 - Queer hearts - Amanda Middleton
What can straight people learn from queer relationships?My guest in this episode is Amanda Middleton, a family and systemic psychotherapist. Amanda works with queer couples, families and polycules. Through decades of experience, she’s developed a fascinating practice that places queer attitudes at the heart of her work—and her insights now can benefit everybody.The point is that these queer approa
025 - Sex robots - Heather Parry
Would sex robots be good for us?My guest in this episode is Heather Parry, who’s been wondering why we need sex robots. Heather is a writer of fiction and non-fiction, and she wrote a book called Electric Dreams: On Sex Robots and the Failed Promises of Capitalism. It’s a fascinating bipedal stroll through the growing industry of pimped-up sex dolls and the dreams of imagineers who predict a world
024 - Maximum intimacy - Nick Woof
Can you be intimate with 200 people?My guest in this episode is Nick Woof, the founder of London’s edgiest erotic party, Bator Bros. The party is centred on the idea that we can enjoy intimacy and community in a sexual context. Imagine an orgy, but where you’re only allowed to use your hands (sorta). Nick explains how he developed the ideas that led to him to create this new type of sex party
023 - Older people - Hayley Conyers
Does age matter?My guest in this episode is Hayley Conyers, who has been working as a research assistant at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, and specifically on a study into the sexual health of older adults. Many people assume that older people aren’t having sex, or that if they are, that’s gross. Well, both of those things are wrong, aren’t they? A free sex world is a world wh
022 - Slut power - Beth Ashley
How can we overcome slutshaming?My guest in this episode is Beth Ashley, author of Sluts: The Truth about Slutshaming and What We Can Do To Fight It. It’s a wide-ranging book that pulls together history, politics, class, identity, gender and activism, to try to understand the resurgence of slutshaming. Thankfully Beth also has tons of actions that we can all take to fight back.I remember telling m
021 - Bye bye, bisexual men - Lewis Oakley
Why don’t some women want to date bisexual men?My guest in this episode is Lewis Oakley, a bisexual activist. Lewis has experienced prejudice from women who tell him to his face that even if they like him, they won’t date him due to his history of gay sex. This is one of the many ways that biphobia not only endures, but seems to go unchecked. So Lewis is on a mission to change that attitude, throu
020 - Sexual free speech - Pup Davey
Should we show off our kinky selves in public?My guest in this episode is Pup Davey, who is a pornstar and all-round kinky queer person. He makes a living from kinky sex videos and he wants the freedom to share them. Davey and I talked about the limits in society on our freedom to express ourselves sexually (especially if we’re kinky). This includes battling online censorship and wearing kink
019 - Too much sex - Mark Walton
Is it possible to have too much sex?My guest in this episode is Mark Walton, who thinks the answer is yes. Mark has a history of compulsive sexual behaviour. This wasn’t healthy for Mark, so to move forward he used a combination of therapy, groups, and the book Overcoming Sex Addiction by Thaddeus Birchhardt.Mark is very sex positive, and wants everyone to have the sex they want. But when it leads
018 - Fat sex - Gina Tonic
Will ‘body positivity’ actually end fatphobia?My guest in this episode is Gina Tonic, who is a writer and the host of The Polyester Podcast. Gina tells me that free sex would mean pleasure without limitation—and we talked a lot about how fatphobia limits us all. Gina walks me through fat liberation, why queer spaces are fat-friendly pioneers, the personal politics of fetishisation... and why ‘body
017 - Big erection data - Dr Elliot Justin
Should doctors be prescribing orgasm?My guest in this episode is Dr Elliot Justin. Elliot has a background in emergency medicine, but recently he’s been busy inventing a pretty fancy cock ring. Elliot is really into men’s erectile fitness, because it can tell doctors like him a lot about the patient’s overall health. So the cock ring developed by his company, FirmTech, claims to be comfortable eno
016 - Masturbation for all - Vic Liu
My guest in this episode is Vic Liu, an artist and information designer who makes books that aim to make the world a little better. One way the world could be a little better is probably if we all had better wank-lives. Who needs a sex life, if your wank life is hot and fulfilling?One of Vic’s books is BANG!, which is a guide about masturbation for people of all genders and abilities. The book bus
015 - Poly possibility - Libro Levi Bridgeman
Could we have a polyamorous world?My guest in this episode is Libro Levi Bridgeman, a writer, performer, the editor of Hot Pencil Press, and a ‘solo poly’ person. Libro’s been on quite the journey with sex since the 80s—from butch dyke to nonbinary legend, and lots in between. Libro’s story is one of periodic monogamy, gender-affirming surgery, caring for others, and the freedom that can arri
014 - What do you like? - Susan Bratton
Can we make it easier to say what we want in sex? My guest in this episode is Susan Bratton. As an intimacy adviser and wellness expert, Susan has no end of talking techniques, libido botanicals, blood-flow supplements and sexual energy bars to help us all to have better sex. Susan’s having the best sex of her life in her 60s—and she wants you and me to share the joy!But better sex isn’t enou
013 - Take care - Dani Singer
How can we take care of each other? My guest in this episode is Dani Singer aka Dani Dinger, who is a performer, sex worker, activist and an expert in nightlife welfare. If you want to know how to run a good sex party, speak to Dani. They co-founded an agency called Safe Only to do exactly this. Dani and the folks at Safe Only have a deep understanding of how to mould space and time so that i
012 - Pleasure for the good of our health - Jozef Shaw
Isn’t pleasure a part of good sexual health?My guest in this episode is Dr Jozef Shaw. Joe works in a hospital in London, practising sexual health, HIV and general internal medicine. He’s used to seeing patients with genital symptoms, giving them treatment, and then sending them home. But there’s so much that’s missing from this medicalised approach to sexual health...So Joe tells me his big idea
011 - Kinky showtime - Dan Daw
How can a submissive disabled person get the sex they want?My guest in this episode is Dan Daw — an exquisite performer with huge ideas and an electrifying stage presence. They made The Dan Daw Show, which knocked my socks off the first time I saw it (I went back and saw it again!). Dan’s show feels like the world of free sex I’m craving, so I knew we had to speak about it. The show is also a
010 - Less sex, please? - Rosie Wilby
Why are we having less sex?My guest in this episode is the author and comedian Rosie Wilby. Rosie is wondering why surveys are showing that people, especially the young ones, are having less sex than they used to. She’s also reflecting on how relationships change the kind of sex we fancy, and how the stereotypes of gay men and lesbians with regard to sex stand up to scrutiny... This was a rea
009 - Risk! - Tina Horn
Can we calculate risk at the same time as trying to nut with someone?My guest in this episode is Tina Horn, who is a writer and perv, just like me. She’s really into helping us all figure out how to reduce harm during sex and staying horny while also thinking about the risk of sex.I came across Tina when she was hosting a Wondery podcast called Operator, about the sex workers who ran phone lines i
008 - Sex in Public - Jackson King
Why can’t we have sex in public?My guest in this episode is Jackson King, a writer, journalist and pro dom (professional dominant). Jackson’s way to free sex is through the political and public liberation of sex. In this interview, he breaks this all down for me: from legal rights, to the priorities of the LGBTQ+ movement, from what it means to have complete control over your own body, and to how
007 - Sex therapy - Dr Lori Beth Bisbey
How can therapy help us to have better sex?My guest in this episode is Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. Not gonna lie: since I watched Dr Lori counsel countless couples into opening up their relationship on a reality TV show called Open House: The Great British Sex Experiment, I’ve been a bit obsessed with her. Dr Lori has decades of experience as a therapist, specialising in sex and relationships (and especi
006 - Gay shame - José Carlos Mejia
Can you imagine a world without any shame?My guest in this episode is José Carlos Mejia, who told me the three things we’d need to eliminate if we want to have free sex. Shame, judgement and expectation — they’re all heavy obstacles, but in José’s hands they just crumble. When I was developing the idea for this podcast, José was one of the people I spoke to. He thinks deeply and clearly about
005 - Sex health inequality - Dr Rageshri Dhairyawan
Why are South Asian people in the UK getting more STIs?My guest this episode is Dr Rageshri Dhairyawan. In treating her patients in HIV and sexual health in east London, UK, Rageshri noticed that STI diagnoses in South Asian people were growing, and that they have less knowledge of HIV than other groups do. When Rageshri researched what was going on, she was shocked to find that doctors have known
004 - You’re not normal - Girl On The Net
Why do we want to be cool during sex?My guest this episode is Sarah from Girl On The Net — one of the hottest sex blogs in the world. Sarah is a lightning rod for peoples’ fantasies, and over 12 years running her blog she’s learnt what would be the things that help us create a free-sex world. So she and I discuss the removal of the pressure to be cool, clean and normal. Poo happens!Supported
003 - Body Hair is Gorgeous! - Asad Zafar
Do I have to remove my body hair to get better sex?My guest in this episode is Asad Zafar, the non-binary slut-dragon of your dreamz. They are tall, queer and hairy—and after years of reflection, they now love this about themself. Asad tells me about how their conservative Pakistani Muslim family shielded them from the baby-slut they knew they were. So Asad’s prescription for a free-sex world is a
002 - Sex Whilst Disabled - Andrew Gurza
What stops a disabled person from hooking up with someone?My guest this episode is Andrew Gurza. Andrew is dedicated to the same thing as me — removing the barriers that hold people back from having the sex they want. So the answer to that question above is ableism, which is discrimination that favours people who are able-bodied. From their home in Canada, Andrew told me about their experienc
001 - No Censorship! - Reed Amber
Why can’t sex workers have an Instagram account?My guest this episode is Reed Amber, a sex worker, educator, anti-shamer and activist. Reed has worked in the adult industry for over 10 years, and has built a huge audience for her sexy content, campaigns about loving your own sexual body, AND a podcast called F**ks Given.But social media makes life difficult for her — blocking her accounts, pr
Trailer: Free Sex with Adam Zmith
Coming soon from Aunt Nell — the team behind the award-winning podcasts The Log Books, Queer Roots and Routes, and Black And Gay, Back In The Day.In Free Sex, Adam Zmith speaks to a different guest every episode to ask what a world of free sex would look like. In hearing from kinksters, sexual health doctors, writers, sex workers, therapists — and anyone with a fresh perspective on sex — Adam
